STRANGE REFLECTION

 

I don’t like looking in the mirror anymore. Just as Mary Hopkin sang in ‘Those Were The Days’, in the glass I see a strange reflection wondering if that man is really me?

I have read that it is a biological fact that as a person grows older, the ears and the nose keep growing while the eyes retain their original size and shape. Wholly true in my case. My ears are way over their original size and the lobes are expanding and hanging low. As far as the nose is concerned, gone is the medium sized finely chiseled one of youthful days and I now have a bigger one with the tip bloated like a distorted can past its sell by date. 

The hairline is receding and the hair are scarce. While having a haircut the other day, in order to get my money’s worth, I told the barber, ‘Upar se halka karna’. He made some clipping noises with the scissors and stopped. I said, ‘Kya ho gaya, kyon nahi kat rahe?’ The barber replied simply, ‘Sahib, kya katoon. Udhar to kuch hai hi nahin’. Rude chap, no tips and I am changing him.

The eyes have retained their size. But with longer ears, big, blunt nose and little hair on top, it looks as if they have become smaller. Looking at this reflection, I cannot believe that in my youth, people could even in a joke say that I resembled a Dirk Bogarde or a Marcello Mastroianni! 

Talking of hair, giving up on my head, they have found fertile ground in my ears and nostrils. As I have stopped shaving everyday in order to minimize mirror time, I often look like a bear, grisly, not teddy.

Thank God the children have grown up otherwise they would say as in Harry Belafonte’s song,   ‘Mama, look a boo boo, they shout,                                                                                                     Their mother told them shut up your mout’                                                                                               That is your daddy, oh no,                                                                                                                           My daddy can’t be ugly so.                                                                                                                           Shut your mouth, go away                                                                                                                       Mama look a boo boo dey’.

Growing old has also resulted in loss of hearing and I get shouted at all the time for not hearing when I can’t! The irony is that whereas I miss normal conversations in which people might say nice things about me, I hear the shouts and curses loud and clear! And now a friend tells me about a new virus ‘Nile’ the symptoms of which include sending blank messages, messages to the wrong person, forgetting attachments, pressing Send instead of Delete and vice versa. This is C-Nile. He also apprised me of its variant in which one does not admit doing the above. That is D-Nile. I warned my friend not to go further down the alphabet lest he catch a more dangerous one.

Nat King Cole is long gone otherwise I would have accosted him for his ‘You will never grow old, while there is love in your heart’. Well, there is love in my heart but I am still growing old!