AS DIRECTOR NAVAL SIGNALS

 

I took over as Director Naval Signals (DNS) in Naval Headquarters (NHQ) early March 1981. I was then the juniormost Director in the Navy in the rank of Acting Captain taking over from someone who was a Commodore and moving on promotion to Rear Admiral. It did good to my ego to be privileged thus although as far as NHQ was concerned, it was more a matter of availability than any honour being bestowed. Anyway, it felt nice to be head of the branch of my specialization. 

It is worth noting that my Army and Air Force counterparts were a Lieutenant General and an Air Vice Marshal respectively. There were some joint services committees where the chairmanship went by rotation to the person longest in office. With changes of the Army and Air Force Signal Chiefs, I became Chairman of these committees. This led to an embarrassing situation with my heading committees with officers upto three ranks senior to me. As Commodore in the Navy is an appointment rather than a rank, NHQ could have considered making me a Commodore as long as I was DNS but that was not done. To save face, the two Signal Chiefs sent their deputies for such meetings but even then, those officers were a rank or two senior to me!  

At this time, we were allotted our regular accommodation in the Services Enclave on Sardar Patel Marg. So we shifted from Pragati Vihar after about 10 months of living in a cramped but enjoyable space. 

While in the SI Directorate (Dte) I had made plans to go to Srinagar and Gulmarg in May with my family and stay in the Mess the Dte had there. I took some leave and we drove up to Srinagar. Our accommodation was just the right distance away from the hustle and bustle of the city and was exclusively ours. To top it all, the Army officer-in-charge had Bijnor connections being a cousin of Prakash Mehra whose film ‘Laawaris’ had just been released. We went to see it and thoroughly enjoyed it particularly Amitabh Bachchan’s ‘Mere Angane Mein’.

We then went to Gulmarg where the SI Dte had a small hut. The next day we rode ponies to go up to the glacier of Khilenmarg and then a sleigh ride up to Al Pathar, the frozen lake on the border with Pakistan. The majestic scene of the mountains and the vast lake was truly breathtaking.

During the pony ride back to Gulmarg, Akhila started feeling unwell. I was riding close to her trying to lift up her spirits and telling her to hold on for a few minutes more. As we were passing the town centre close to our hut, Akhila collapsed and slid off the saddle. Fortunately, the guide accompanying us managed to catch her before she hit the ground. We were opposite a cheap hotel and carried her to the nearest room and lay her on a slept-in bed. Soon, the occupant of the room, a hippie foreigner, walked in and seeing our predicament, sat down patiently. Akhila had fainted but soon came to and opened her eyes. When she took in the seedy surroundings, the dirty bed and the hippie, she jumped up like a jack-in-the-box and ran out shouting, “What has happened, where am I?” I have never seen anyone recover so fast from being unconscious to hyper-conscious!

The rest of the trip passed smoothly and it was back to work in Delhi. Our major concern was improving the two fleets’ tactical communications and we took steps to improve by requisitioning new equipment and upgrading existing ones. A major irritant was the erratic functioning of telephone lines and naval trunk facilities. This was not directly under our control dependent as we were on the P&T department for landlines but for everyone in NHQ, DNS was the convenient whipping boy. One morning, I chanced upon a cartoon showing an official on the phone with the caption, “This is the Director of P&T. Your telephone is working and you have not thanked me yet.” I modified it to read, “This is the DNS, your telephone is working…..”and put a copy of the cartoon in the morning signal pack of the CNS and all the Principal Staff Officers. The only person who responded was the CNS, Adm Ronnie Pereira, who rang me up on the NHQ intercom and said with a loud guffaw, “ Ravi, my telephone is working. Thank you very much.”

On 01 March 1982, Adm Pereira retired and Adm Oscar Stanley Dawson took over. He called for a presentation from each Directorate explaining its functions and future plans. In time our turn came and the presentation went off well. Soon after, I was summoned by the CNS on a Wednesday morning in May. He said, “There is a Naval Exhibition in Genoa, Italy, beginning Monday. Go there and see if you can find some equipment you need.” I had no clue about the Exhibition and rushed to the DCNS, Vice Adm Subimal Mookherji, my immediate boss, and briefed him on my meeting with the CNS. He gave a wry laugh and said tell the CNS that the time is too short for sanctions and that I could attend something similar in the future.

I got back to office and conveyed this to the Secretary to CNS. I got a call back from him to say that the CNS had spoken to the Defence Secretary, Mr. Kaul, and that I should go and see him. I did so and Mr. Kaul asked me to give my details to his PS and said that I would get my sanction by the evening. And so it came without my having to put up any case up the bureaucratic ladder! 

Contrast this with a normal case a little later. We had sent an inquiry for an Electronic Warfare equipment along with its qualitative requirements (QRs). After some time, we received an offer from a US firm saying that they had an equipment which met our QRs and invited us to witness its trials. We examined the offer and it seemed almost perfect. We put up a case for a team of Communication and Electrical officers to visit the US for trials. The case almost went through but then got stuck due to an objection by the Additional Finance Adviser (Addl FA), Ministry of Defence (MoD), who noted that the equipment did not meet our QRs. I went to see him and he said that the sensitivity figures were much too low compared to our requirements. Unfortunately, we had failed to spot a typo of a wrongly placed decimal. I told the Addl FA that that was an oversight and showed proof that the figure on file was an impossible one not available in any equipment the world over. Besides, the equipment more than matched all the other QRs. But the official was adamant and did not clear the case. Apparently, he was annoyed because we had earlier turned down an offer that came through the MoD for some other equipment for want of meeting our QRs.

Back to the Italian Naval Exhibition, I discovered that the delegation was being led by the ACNS (Plans), Rear Adm KK Nayyar with Cmde JN Sukul, Director Electrical Engineering, as a member. They had their sanctions weeks in advance and when I told them I was joining them, they found it hard to believe.

We took the flight to Genoa via Rome a couple of days later and were met by our Naval Attache, Cmde Madan Chopra, who took us to a boutique hotel in the seaside resort of Santa Margherita, Portofino, close to Genoa. The next few days, we spent in the Exhibition talking to various equipment manufacturers There was a weekend in between during which Adm Nayyar and Cmde Sukul went to Venice. Having been to Venice on an earlier visit, I was keen on going to the French Riviera instead. Fortunately, I found an Indian friend at the Exhibition who offered to rent a car and come along. We started off on Saturday after lunch and planned to stay in Monte Carlo or Cannes. On reaching there, we could not find a hotel with a free room. We kept driving on the coastal road past St. Tropez right upto Marseilles on the Spanish border but found all hotels were fully occupied. My friend told me the reason; that Thursday was a holiday and people had taken Friday off for what the French call a ‘pont’ (bridge) to make it a 4-day weekend. By the time we got to Marseilles, it was dark and we had to turn back. So my friend decided to head inland away from the beach and within half an hour, we found a hotel with a room.

We spent the night there and drove back making brief stops at St. Tropez, Cannes and Monte Carlo. The blue sea and the coastal scenery were breathtaking supplemented by bikini clad (or less) women tanning themselves on the beaches. Architecture of the numerous monuments was eye-catching but we had no time to stop and drove on to Santa Margherita arriving there late on Sunday night. I made a promise to myself to return some day to see the Riviera at leisure.

One evening, we were relaxing with a drink on the lawns of our hotel when Adm Nayyar mentioned that in a few months, he was going to take over command of the Western Fleet and was looking for a Fleet Operations Officer (FOO). Saying that, he looked expectantly at me and the conversation stood stalled. Breaking the silence, I said he should not have any trouble as it was an interesting and operational job. The next thing, the Admiral asked me if I would be interested. I felt I had no choice but to say yes.

On another evening, I had a narrow escape from what could have been a disastrous accident. I needed to do some shopping and walked to the nearby market. I was crossing the street when I heard the loud sound of an approaching car engine. Looking over my shoulder, I saw a sports car coming full speed at me. I darted on to the pavement and the car missed me by a whisker. The people who saw the incident were screaming with rage at the driver who didn’t stop and sped away at breakneck speed.

Exhibition over, we flew to Rome and spent a couple of days continuing our talks with company reps. I felt that I had returned to Rome perhaps thanks to the coin thrown in Trevi Fountain in 1976. So I promptly threw another one.

Back in Delhi, we got to the task of preparing the report on our visit. Meanwhile, the CNS asked me if I had found anything worth buying. I told him that I was looking at a number of options and would soon send proposals but it seemed to me that the CNS was disappointed that I had not bought anything off the shelf! 

The DCNS asked for our report and I said it was being prepared. My part of the report was ready but Adm Nayyar and Cmde Sukul were taking their time. After a few days, the DCNS said that at least I could give him my portion of the report. I felt that would be incorrect and the report should go as a whole. This seemed to have annoyed the DCNS; maybe I was being too correct and could have complied with the DCNS’s desire!

After the report was submitted, I applied for leave and drove to Nainital with my family. Meanwhile, my Joint Director took advantage of my absence and got himself included in a delegation to UK and France for purchase of helicopters. When I returned, I told him that he should have consulted me. He didn't take this very sportingly.

There was a view in the Directorate that the three Naval Commands should be kept informed of our plans for upgradation of Communication and Electronic Warfare equipments. We prepared a classified paper with instructions that it should be seen by senior officers only and passed hand to hand. It was first given to the Western Naval Command which was to pass it to the other two Commands and finally return it to us.

We were reaching the end of the year and Rear Adm Nayyar was promoted to the rank of Vice Adm and appointed Flag Officer Commanding Western Fleet (FOCWF). My appointment as FOO followed. When I next met the DCNS, he said that I should refuse the appointment. I told him that I did not know I had an option and, in any case, it did not seem like a bad job. I did not realise that the reason for the DCNS’s unhappiness stemmed from the rivalry of the two Admirals and that I was being unwittingly caught in it! Another black mark for me in the DCNS’s book.

It was December and time for the Asiad Games. The Games had provided an impetus to manufacture TVs and we had purchased an EC TV which was reputed to be the best in India We watched most of the Games on TV but the biggest excitement was reserved for the Hockey finals which the two great rivals, India and Pakistan, had qualified for. That had to be seen live and I managed two tickets and took Akhila to watch it. There was a huge rush and while we were walking towards the entrance, we were offered enormous sums of money for our tickets. We refused to be tempted and were soon delighted to  witness the first goal which was scored by India. There was a huge roar in the stadium but soon Pakistan equalized and then scored another, then another and another and yet another! By then, there was total despair and anger all over with people unfairly targeting the poor goalkeeper because of the fact that he used to rush out to the edge of the 'D' to thwart the scoring Pak forward unsuccessfully. At halftime, we decided to get up and walk away regretting giving up the chance to have made easy money! When we reached home, we found little Ruchir playing Cricket. The Ayah said he had also stopped watching the TV at halftime. As is well known,  India had infamously lost 1-7.

I had two tickets for the Closing Ceremony and Ruchir and I rode to the new Nehru Stadium for the first time by the Ring Rail which had started running in time for the Games. The Stadium looked magnificent and the Ceremony was memorable with lovely dances, beautiful music especially composed for the event and brilliant fireworks. 

After which it was time to move to Bombay and take up my new appointment.

OUR FAMILY FAVOURITE SONGS OF YORE

 

Writing about Lata Mangeshkar, I recalled that Mataji, my Nani, used to hum ‘Aaj Phir Jeene Ki Tamanna Hai’. But that was only from mid-60s. If I go back one moment in time, the song which she used to sing frequently in my childhood went: 

‘Jal jaane do, jal jaane do, jal jaane do is duniya ko, 

Jab jug mein sachcha pyar nahin, 

Aur sab matlab ke bande hain aur koi kisi ka yaar nahin.’

Mummy was very fond of Talat Mehmood and her top favourite was-

‘Ae dil mujhe aisi jagah le chal jehan koi na ho,

Apna paraya meherban-na, meherban koi na ho….

Ja kar kahin kho jaoon mein, neend aye aur so jaoon mein, neend aye aur so jaoon mein,

Duniya mujhe dhooden, magar mera nishaan koi na ho.’

Mummy was very fond of her afternoon siesta of two hours plus and therein hangs a tale. Pitaji, my Nana, used to tease her about the line ‘neend aye aur so jaoon mein’ for his own reasons. He was very fond of Contract Bridge and had taught us all the basic fundamentals of the game. He would be anxious to start playing post-lunch after just a short power nap. Mummy was needed as the fourth to join grandpas and me but she would be locked up in her bedroom with Pitaji getting increasingly impatient. The game itself was comic. Pitaji would read a lot of books on Bridge and would be very knowledgable about Ely Culbertson convention and all and would apply the principles in his bidding with the others clueless about them. Mataji was completely off logic and could easily be egged on to bid 6 no-trumps with a couple of aces and little else in her hands. The fact that she would go six-down made her laugh but drove Pitaji up the wall!

Shashi Mama was not so much into singing as in dancing. In parties particularly on ships, it wouldn’t take long to have him swinging on his feet with lovely facial expressions and hand movements to the tune of ‘Balma ja ja ja, balma ja’ or ‘Sakiyan aaj mujhe neend nahin ayegi, suna hai teri mehfil mein rut jaga hai.’

Vinnie Mama was the singer of the family. His favourite was Pankaj Mullick and he knew all his songs. The ones I heard him sing most often were ‘Yeh kaun aaj aaya savere savere…. Kaha roop ne chand hai, chaudhvin ka, magar chand kaisa savere savere’ and ‘Aayi bahar aaj, aayi bahar aaa bahar aaj, ayi bahar bahaar,  gulshan mein liye, phoolon ike haar, bahar, aaj aayi bahar bahaar’.’

A poor warbler, I would at times attempt Pankaj’s 'Maine aaj piya piya aaa, honton ka pyala’ but mostly be content to join Vinnie Mama in ‘Sunday ke Sunday, aana meri jaan meri jaan, Sunday ke Sunday’ and ‘Gori gori, o baanki chhori, kabhi meri gali aaya karo’. 

And then, Vinnie Mama joined the Navy and sang, ‘In her hair, she wore a yellow ribbon…And if you ask, oh why the hell she wore it, she wore it for a sailor who is far far away.’

That was enough to lure me into becoming a sailor but the yellow ribbon….?!

LATA MANGESHKAR-MY PERSONAL FAVOURITE SONGS

 

Like millions of Indians and many foreigners particularly from our sub-continent, I was glued to the TV after hearing of Lata Mangeshkar’s passing away. One had a foreboding of it as she was 92 and had been seriously ill for some time. But in the end, such news always stuns one.

I then received a message from my cousin Anjula if I would be creating a blog on Lataji’s songs. My first reaction was no as I felt unequal to the task. How could I make a selection out of the huge number of songs sung by a legend? Some estimates are that she sang over 30000-50000 songs in 36 Indian and a few foreign languages. But then I took cover behind the word ‘favourite’ and felt, yes, I could do it. Favourite is a personal word and one can always take shelter behind it for accusations of omission. The seed was planted and with some prodding and encouragement by Akhila, here is the fruit.

Two choices required no thinking as they were being flashed on the TV screen repeatedly by all channels; the supremely patriotic “Ae Mere Watan Ke Logon, zara aankh mein bharlo pani, jo shaheed hue hain unki, zara yaad karo qurbani” (O my countrymen, fill up your eyes with tears, remember those martyrs who have committed the ultimate sacrifice of their lives). This song was sung by her during the Republic Day celebrations in 1963 just after the ’62 Indo-China War, at the National Stadium, New Delhi, in the presence of the President, Dr S Radhakrishnan, and the PM, Jawaharlal Nehru, and had the latter in tears.

The second one is what first put the spotlight on Lata- the literally haunting number in the 1949 film “Mahal,” ‘Ayega aanewala, ayega, ayega’. Singing on the screen was the beautiful Madhubala in the role of a ghost swinging on a 'jhoola' on the lawns of a mansion. I was a 10-year old kid when I watched the movie in Udaipur and was frightened for many sleepless nights but I loved the song. I bought the 78 rpm record which had the slow introduction on one side and the melodic main song on the reverse, and played it again and again.

1949 was a good year for Lata as even before “Mahal,” she had hits from Raj Kapoor’s movie “Barsaat”. I find at least five songs equally listenable; the title song, ‘Barsaat mein, humse mile tum sanam, tum se mile hum’, ‘Hawa mein udta jaye, mera lal dupatta malmal ka’, ‘Jiya beqarar hai, aayi bahar hai’, ‘Mujhe kisi se pyar ho gaya’ and ‘Meri aankhon mein bas gaya koi re, mujhe neend na aye’.

Next year she teamed up with Amirbai Karnataki to back up for Nalini Jaywant in the girl’s part in the very catchy song ‘Gori gori, o banki chhori, kabhi meri gali aya karo’, in the film, ‘Samadhi’. Even today, the number is a must in all our parties for singing and dancing.

In the movie, “Sazaa”, she sang a number one can get lost in and wish to remain lost, ‘Tum na jane kis jehan mein kho gaye’. Then came two ‘bachpan’ numbers, the first with Shamshad Begum in “Deedar”,‘O bachpan ke din bhula na dena, aaj hanse kal rula na dena’, and the other a solo from “Baiju Bawra”, ‘Bachpan ki muhabbat ko, dil se na juda karna, jab yaad meri aaye, milne ki dua karna’.

Lata followed up with some semi-classical numbers such as ‘Yeh zindagi usi ki hai, jo kisi ka hogaya’ in “Anarkali” and in ‘Pyar kiya toh darna kya’ in “Mughal-E-Azam”. Then in “Anpadh”, she sang  the beautiful ‘Aap ki nazron ne samjha pyar ke kaabil mujhe.’

Another haunting number came in “Bees Saal Baad”, ‘Kahin deep jale kahin dil’.  Back to reality in “Guide” with ‘Aaj phir jeene ki tamanna hai’, a song Mataji, my Nani, was fond of singing. Then came another semi-classical with the sound of dancing ghungroos, ‘Chalte chalte’ from “Pakeezah”. And in 1981 in “Silsila”, she wondered for Rekha, ‘Yeh kahan aa gaye hum, yun hi saath chalte chalte’, with Amitabh Bachchan reciting his lines expressing his own dilemma.

Two of Akhila’s favourites which she sings a lot are ‘Rahe na rahe hum’ from “Mamta” and the very emotional one from “Ghar”, ‘Aajkal paon zameenpar nahin padte mere, bolo dekha hai kabhi, tumne mujhe udte hue?’ which for some reason has me moved every time, welling up tears in my eyes.

Lata sang, ‘Tum mujhe bhula na paoge.’  How true!

SINGING THE RAINBOW AND MORE

 

‘In life, you either choose to sing a rainbow or you don’t, keep singing’: 

Kathleen Long

Songs are about emotions and colours are associated with emotions. It is natural that songs have colours in the lyrics or even in the titles. Let’s explore songs which have colours in their titles.

I read a quote which goes as follows: ‘My teacher asked my favourite colour, I said Rainbow…and I was punished to stand out of my class.’ We shall be sympathetic with the child and begin with a song that has ‘Rainbow’ in the title. The memorable, “Over The Rainbow” flashes in the mind. The song was first sung by Judy Garland in the film, "Wizard Of Oz", which is one year younger than this old man who saw it in school screened by Fr. Cosgrove through his 16 mm. projector. Judy plays the part of a small girl who is told by her aunt to “find yourself a place where you won’t get into any trouble”. The girl walks off by herself imagining such a place which will be “far away, behind the moon, beyond the rain”, and starts singing this song. It won the Oscar for best original song in a film and became Judy’s signature song.

Two other popular versions were recorded; one by Louis Armstrong who sings it smoothly without using his usual cracking voice, and, second by a Hawaiian singer, the 500 pounder (because of a disease) Israel Kamakawiwo’ole, with a babyish voice. Both use the ukulele for accompaniment and also sang “What A Wonderful World” with the beautiful lines, ‘The colours of a rainbow, so pretty in the sky, are also on the faces of people passing by.’

On to individual colours of a rainbow through the mnemonic VIBGYOR, taught in school. Starting with Violet, there are not too many songs but there is one with ‘Violet’ as the title itself. It is sung by Courtney Love with an American rock band, ‘Hole’. The song expresses anger of the narrator who has had to abandon a romance. Sadness and anger, I guess that is indicative of the colour violet.

Indigo too is hard to find in a title but a jazz item, ‘Mood Indigo’, was composed by Duke Ellington as far back as 1930.Thereafter it was sung by many old timers such as Ella Fitzgerald and Doris Day, Frank Sinatra and Tony Bennett. Mood indigo is bluer than blue ever since the singer’s baby said goodbye and she/he feels lonesome and could cry!

We now come to colours which appear in song titles in abundance. ‘Blue’ has various hues: sadness, beautiful eyes, tranquility of nature, to name a few. In songs, Fats Domino came up with “Blue Monday” warbling ‘how I hate Blue Monday, got to work like a slave all day…’cause Monday is a mess!’ But his mood brightens in “My Blue Heaven” where ‘You’ll see a smiling face, a fireplace, a cosy room…just Mollie and me, and baby makes three, we’re happy in my blue heaven.’

A famous song is “Blue Moon” composed by Richard Rogers and Lionel Hart in 1934 and its first version came out in 1936. Then in 1961, a group called The Marcels sang it an unusual, light way and its popularity was revived with many versions to follow. Some of its lines- ‘Blue Moon, you saw me standing alone, without a dream in my heart, without a love of my own… And then there suddenly appeared before me, the only one my arms would ever hold, I heard somebody whisper, ‘Please adore me’, and when I looked, the moon had turned to gold!’

Blue Eyes are considered to be very attractive and Elton John sings about loving them in the song with that as the title. The country singer Willie Nelson gives them a sad touch in “Blue Eyes Crying In The Rain” where he laments for his loved one. My top favourite is the captivating “Blue Spanish Eyes” originally sung by Al Martino but even more romantically by Englebert Humperdinck.

For nature’s beauty, there is “Blue Hawaii” by Elvis Presley, while on material possessions, he warns 'you can burn my house, steal my car, drink my liquor from an old fruit jar, do anything that you wanna do, but uh-uh baby, lay off my “My Blue Suede Shoes.” 

I come to the end of my blue titles with the haunting instrumental “L’amour Est Bleu” by Paul Mauriat. A great hit globally, it has a distinguishing harpsichord riff which is simply delightful and unforgettable. Incidentally, in the English vocal version "Love Is Blue", the lyrics include the colours blue, grey, red, green and black and the line, 'When we met, how the bright sun shone, then love died, and the rainbow is gone.'

Green is the colour of nature- grass, trees, leaves and spring. The song that comes instantly to mind is what first made Tom Jones famous, “Green Green Grass Of Home”. Sad and nostalgic, it is about a man who returns to his home for the first time after childhood. On stepping down from the train, he is welcomed by his parents and beloved Mary who has ‘hair of gold and lips like cherry.’ He is happy to see the ‘old oak tree’ which he used to play on and feels good to touch ‘the green green grass of home.' Then he realizes he was only dreaming and is actually in prison awaiting execution but feels content that he would be laid ‘’neath the green green grass of home.’

An older song is “Green Fields” by various artistes such as The Brothers Four. It goes  ‘Once there were green fields, kissed by the sun, once there were valleys, where rivers used to run…., we were the lovers who strolled through green fields….Green fields are gone now, parched by the sun, gone from the valleys, where rivers used to run, gone with the lovers, who let their dreams depart, where are the green fields that we used to roam?’

Next, the traditional English folk song “Greensleeves” which dates back to the 16th century. The vocal recordings led to various conjectures about what or who ‘Greensleeves’ was, including a prostitute! For me, I am just happy to sit back and enjoy the calm, soothing instrumental version by Mantovani and his Orchestra.

Yellow, a colour signifying happiness and sunshine, is quite popular in song titles. My earliest memories are of Vinnie Mama coming home from his first leave after joining the Navy and singing ‘And in her hair, she wore a yellow ribbon, she wore a yellow ribbon in the merry month of May. Hey, hey, and if you ask, oh, why the hell she wore it, she wore it for a sailor who is far far away.’ The song comes from a 1949 John Wayne movie, “She Wore A Yellow Ribbon” and the lyrics say ‘lover’ instead of ‘sailor’ but we were happier with the substitution! 

Wearing a yellow ribbon in the hair was believed to be a 19th century practice for women to signify their devotion to a husband or sweetheart serving in the U.S. Cavalry. Later in the 1970s, it became a symbol of displaying a lover’s welcome to an absent military man or prisoner on his return. So the group Dawn sang “Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Ole Oak Tree” about a man coming back in a bus after serving a three year term asking his love to tie the yellow ribbon, for, if he didn’t see it, he would stay on the bus and go away. Soon he hears the whole bus cheering because they see ‘a hundred yellow ribbons round the ole oak tree.’

Briefly, two more ‘yellow’ song titles. “The Yellow Rose Of Texas” from whom the singer regrettably parted but wishes to find her and then ‘we never more will part.’ Lastly, the delightful Bryan Hyland number “Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini” that ‘she wore for the first time today’. She was then afraid to come out in the open and covered herself with a blanket, from the locker to the water, where she wanted to stay!

From ‘Yellow’ to ‘Orange’ where the choice is limited, surprisingly, since the colour represents joy and fun. Anyway, Nat King Cole sang “Orange Coloured Sky” under which the narrator was hit by love. Glenn Miller sang and played “Orange Blossom Lane” where the singer had kissed his love and was waiting there for her return so he could kiss her again. 

The final colour of the rainbow, Red, the colour of love, passion and intensity but also anger and danger. We’ll stick to love and recall Jim Reeves’ “Roses Are Red, My Love”, ‘violets are blue, sugar is sweet, my love, but not as sweet as you!’

An old favourite was Bing Crosby singing “When The Red Red Robin Comes Bob Bob Bobbin’ along.” It’s a song to chase you out of your blues-

‘Cheer up, cheer up, the sun is red, live, laugh and be happy,

What if I’ve been blue, now I’m walking through fields of flowers,

I’m just a kid again, doing what I did again, singing a song,

When the red red robin comes bob bob bobbin’ along.”

There is the Christmas song everyone knows, “Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer.” And to wind up, let’s drink a toast with UB 40’s “Red Red Wine.”

Let’s do a few non-rainbow colours now. Starting with Brown, an old one is “Beautiful Beautiful Brown Eyes” sung by Rosemary Clooney in which she ditches blue eyes for brown ones promising ‘I’ll never love blue eyes again.’ Harry Belafonte gave us the calypso number, “Brown Skin Girl” which may not go well with my female readers as it says-

‘Ah de brown skin girl, stay home and mind baby….

I’m goin’ away in a sailing boat and if I don’t come back 

Stay home and mind baby.’

Worse, the baby is probably a produce of American sailors!

No such issue with Boney M’s “Brown Girl In The Ring” ‘tra la la la la….she looks like a sugar in a plum.’ Oh, the happy dancing days of Wellington in the late ‘70s when this number was played and sung in every party...

Some do not consider black and white to be colours but shades. However, there are so many good songs with these as titles that let us stay on the side of colours. Black though is used at times for rhyme only as in “Black Is Black” first popularised by the Spanish group, Los Bravos: ‘Black is black, I want my baby back.’ Doris Day’s “Black Hills Of Dakota” makes more sense as does Santana’s “Black Magic Woman” mesmerizing us with its beat. Michael Jackson makes a plea for racial tolerance with “Black Or White”, ‘but, if you’re thinkin’ about my baby, it don’t matter if you’re black or white.’

Mix the basic colours and you get White, a neutral shade and easy on the eye. In songs, flash back to the days of World War II when, to cheer up the English armed forces personnel, Vera Lynn sang, ‘There’ll be bluebirds over “The White Cliffs Of Dover”, tomorrow just you wait and see. There’ll be love and laughter and peace thereafter….’ I took the ferry from Dover to Calais 45 years later and, yes, the cliffs were white, bluebirds were flying over them, and there was plenty of love and laughter and peace.

There is, of course, Bing Crosby’s evergreen “White Christmas”, the stuff of which dreams are made. I also love “Nights In White Satin” sung by The Moody Blues, a touching tale of a yearning for love from afar.

Finally, a complex song with a mix of hues, “A Whiter Shade Of Pale”. Performed by the British group Procol Harum, its lyrics are difficult to interpret. Never mind the words, just listen to its brilliant Hammond organ accompaniment inspired by Bach’s “Air On The G String” which is fascinating and haunting. 

Life is a song, enjoy its colours.

FUNNY HINDI SONGS

 

If there are funny songs in English, Hindi songs can more than hold their own. 

Since most popular Hindi songs are from movies, that is where to go to look for them. For the first one, we go back to 1947 and the film ‘Shehnai’ which featured ‘Sunday Ke Sunday’ sung by Meena Kapoor and Ram Chitalkar. I don’t know anything about the movie but I remember Vinnie Mama coming home to Bharatpur during his summer vacations fromब Allahabad University and singing the song for me. We termed it our national anthem and used to sing it together whenever we met. The lyrics will have you in fits of laughter-

Ram: “Aana meri jaan meri jaan, Sunday ke Sunday…, I love you”

Meena: “Bhag yehan se tu.”

R: “Tujhe Paris dikhaoon, tujhe London ghumaoon, tujhe brandy pilaoon, whisky pilaoon, Aur khilaoon murgi ke ande ande, aana meri jaan Sunday ke Sunday.”

M: “Are hut, Sayyan mera pehlwan hai, maare dund hazar,

Bhag jaoge tum bandar dega jo lalkar, 

Maare gin gin ke, gin gin ke, dande, dande”.

R: “Aana meri jaan meri jaan Sunday ke Sunday.”

Two years later, Roop K. Shorey directed a film, ‘Ek Thi Ladki’, featuring the song ‘Lara Lappa Lara Lappa’ which became an instant hit. It was sung by Meena in the movie with the background voice of Lata Mangeshkar. Little did I know that in 1959, Vinnie Mama would marry Roop Shorey’s sister. Affectionately known as ‘Bhaijaan’, he was a very friendly person and we would have many a whisky together. Getting back to the song, here are some interesting lyrics-

“Lara lappa lara lappa, laai rakhda, aadi tappa aadi tappa laai rakhda,

O dekar jhoote laare…

Babuji ki baat niraali, dil bhi khaali, jeb bhi khaali, phir bhi akad dikhayen re…

Aajkal ke gentleman, rehte hain hardam bechain,

Kaam kare na kaaj, phir bhi akad dikhayen re….

Aaj kal ki naariyaan, hai muft ki bimaariyaan, bimaariyaan,

Raat din mardon se ladne, ki karen taiyyariyaan,

Kaam kuchh karti nahin, aur baandhti hain saadiyaan…”

Raj Kapoor directed and produced an award winning movie “Boot Polish” in which a bald David delights us with ‘Lapak Jhapak Tu Aare Badarwaa’ urgently imploring clouds to burst because-

“Sar ki kheti sookh rahi hai, baras baras tu aare badarwaa….

Tere ghade main paani nahi toh, panghat se bharlaa tu badarwaa….

Bhoodal se tu baal ugaade, jhatpat tu barsa re badarwaa,

Lapak jhapak, lapak jhapak, lapak jhapak.”

Kishore Kumar had arrived on the music scene in early ‘50s followed by acting in movies such as ‘Chalti Ka Naam Gaadi’ in which he also sang the title song. For me, one of his funniest songs was ‘Zaroorat Hai Zaroorat Hai’ from ‘Man Mauji’ in ’62. It brings back memories of my late friend, Aku Roy, who used to sing it often. 

“Zaroorat hai zaroorat hai, sakht zaroorat hai,

Ek shrimati ki kalawati ki, seva jo kare pati ki….

Adaaon mein bahar ho, nigaahon mein khumaar ho, kubool mera pyaar ho….

Pyaar se jo kaam le, hans ke salaam le, jo mera haath thaam le, toh kya baat hai,

Zaroorat hai, zarorat hai, zaroorat hai.”

Kishore Kumar and Mehmood will always be unforgettable for ‘Padosan’ and its hilarious song, ‘Ek Chatur Naar’. The song defies description and has to be seen on the screen which I am sure most of us have done. It is sung from two windows facing each other across a street. Bhola (Sunil Dutt) is trying to impress his love interest Bindu (Saira Banu) who is fond of classical music and is under the tutelage of a South Indian instructor Master Pillai (Mehmood). Bhola cannot sing for nuts and is helped by Vidyapati (Kishore Kumar) who does the singing in the background with Bhola lip-syncing the lyrics. This song is a duel between Bhola and Masterji with the latter delighting the audience with South Indian accent and mannerisms and Vidyapati driving Masterji to distraction by manufacturing absurd lyrics and monkeying antics.

I don’t know the 1970 movie ‘Pagla Kahin Ka’ but can’t forget the Manna Dey song, ‘Meri Bhains Ko Danda Kyun Mara’-

“Woh khet mein chaara charti thi, tere baap ka woh kya karti thi….

Woh laddoo pede khati hai, haan, woh pedon pe chadh jaati hai, haan,

Yeh machchar been bajate hein, woh apna raag sunati hai,

Woh thumak thumak naache jab mein dil ka bajaoon ektara,

Meri bhains ko danda kyun mara, meri bhains ko danda kyun mara.”

In a Dev Anand movie, ‘Chhupa Rustom’, SD Burman directed a parody of his own popular song, ‘Dheere Se Janaa Bagiyan Mein’. This one, sung by Kishore Kumar, was titled ‘Dheere Se Janaa Khatiyan Mein, O Khatmal.’ The song goes-

‘Soyi hai rajkumari, dekh rahi meethe sapne, ja ja chhup ja takiyan mein….

Komal hai inka badan, kaante si teri chubhan….

Kyon chhup chhup ke pyaar kare tu, barha chhupa hua Rustom hai tu,

Lele humko bhi sharan mein, O khatmal, dheere se jaana khatiyan mein.”

Most of Amitabh Bachchan’s movies include a funny song performed by him. In ‘Amar Akbar Anthony’, emerging on the stage from an egg, he delivered some lines in near rap-style leaving Kishore Kumar to do the singing in 'My Name Is Anthony Gonsalvez.' Kishore gave the playback for Bachchan’s ‘Khaike Paan Banaraswala (khul jaaye bund akal ka tala)’ and a host of other songs. Then in ‘Mr. Natwarlal’, Bachchan sang on his own in the delightful ‘Mere Paas Ao (mere doston ek kissa suno)’ in which he tells a gathering of children about an encounter with a lion. The funniest song he sang is probably ‘Mere Angne Mein’ from ‘Laawaris’-

“Mere agne mein tumhara kya kaam hai, jo hai naamwala wohi to badnaam hai…” and then he goes on to describe functions a wife can perform depending on her build or complexion. So a tall wife makes a ladder redundant, a fat one, a mattress, a dark one, eyeliner, a fair one, electricity, and a tiny one, a kid in the lap!

But the song I love the most and which has special memories for me is ‘Jehan Teri Yeh Nazar Hai’ from ‘Kaalia’. In ’83, when I was Fleet Operations Officer, Western Fleet, we went on a goodwill cruise to a few Gulf countries. In Muscat, late YN Sharma and I went sightseeing in a taxi. The driver put on this number on the car audio and the song and the lovely drive through the countryside have lodged in my memory ever since-

‘Hey dhin patapat dhingri poko puk puk poko,

Dhin patapat dhingri poko puk puk poko, 

Jehan teri yeh nazar hai, merijaan mujhe khabar hai,

Bach na saka koi aaye kitne, lambe hain mere haath itne,

Dekh idhar yaar, dhyaan kidhar hai….

Kyoon nahin jaani tu yeh samajhta, kaam nahin hai yeh tere baska, kukroon kuku….

Hosh mein aaja, dhyaan kidhar hai, arre, hosh mein aaja dhyan kidhar hai,

Jehan teri yeh nazar hai, meri jaan mujhe khabar hai,

Bach na saka koi aaye kitne, lambe hain mere haath itne,

Dekh idhar yaar, dhyaan kidhar hai, 

Jehan teri yeh nazar hai, merijaan mujhe khabar hai.”

I kept on telling the driver again and again, “Play it again, Sam.”

Tailpiece: As I was typing this, I found my wife, nine years younger to me, peering over my shoulder reading this and humming “Mein kya karoon Ram mujhe budhda mil gaya”. When I looked back she quickly said, “It just came to mind, nothing personal”.

VICE ADMIRAL SARMA-A HERO OF THE 1971 WAR

(The Indian Express today carries this piece titled 'A Hero of the Sea'. Virtually the same but for minor changes to fit in their column.)

Vice Admiral S.H. Sarma, PVSM, passed away on 3 January in his hometown of Bhubaneshwar. He was 99.

We are all familiar with the big names associated with the 1971 Indo-Pak war such as the Prime Minister and the three Service Chiefs. However, barring a few, the brave deeds of heroes at the ground, or if you like, sea or air level, remain unknown outside their own Service. I would, therefore, like to highlight the important role that Admiral Sarma played in the war resulting in the huge victory for India .

The Eastern Fleet was formed just a month before the onset of war and Admiral Sarma was appointed as the Flag Officer Commanding Eastern Fleet (FOCEF). I was appointed as the Fleet Communications Officer (FCO) on the operational staff of FOCEF and we were embarked on the aircraft carrier, Vikrant, which operated as our flagship throughout the war.

Normally, a Fleet Commander gets time to work up his fleet of ships with peacetime exercises so that the Admiral, his staff and the Commanding Officers (CO) of ships can gel together to function as a team. In this case, the Fleet was thrust into the war from the word go. It is to the enormous credit of the Admiral that in the short time available to him, he was able to knit the Fleet into a cohesive unit and the Fleet was able to deliver all that was asked of it and more. Admiral Sarma was specially chosen for this job as Admiral S.M. Nanda, the then Chief of the Naval staff (CNS), had full faith that the former would be able to deliver. Months prior to the event, the CNS had told Admiral Sarma that as and when the Fleet was formed, he would be given its command. The latter did not let the CNS down and got the Fleet to accomplish all the tasks given to him which included destruction of enemy ships and bases, blockade and contraband control. Extensive damage was caused to the Pakistan Air Force and port facilities by air strikes and the Fleet effected a tight control over the Bay of Bengal so that no enemy ship could enter or leave the then East Pakistan ports and we could take 93000 prisoners of war.

The Admiral was more than willing to take necessary risks to accomplish his tasks. For example, considering Vikrant’s limited speed due to one of its boilers being non-operational, Naval Headquarters had advised that the carrier should operate more than 100 miles from the Coast to be out of range of Pak Sabre jets. The Admiral thought this was too far and in consultation with Captain Parkash, CO Vikrant, decided to operate from a 55-60 mile range. This resulted in highly effective air attacks and Vikrant’s aircraft were able to carry out more than 90 sorties compared to around 5 originally planned by NHQ.

Then there was the unique minesweeping effort to clear the entrance channel to Chittagong harbour. This was not envisaged earlier and was not really a job for the Fleet which had no minesweepers. Knowing Admiral Sarma would find a way, the CNS entrusted the task to him. A ‘jugaad’ way of sweeping was devised by renting local fishing boats trawling a length of wire. The channel was swept clear of mines and marked to ensure speedy and safe passage of ships.

A couple of lighter moments come to mind. The Fleet was anchored off the northernmost Andaman Island, Port Cornwallis, awaiting further instructions from NHQ. There was a requirement to make signals to Vishakhapatnam for some urgent supplies. Not wanting to break radio silence self-imposed by us in order not to compromise our location, I found out that there was a police wireless station on the island. I told the Admiral that I would go ashore and get the messages cleared from there. As there was not much activity going on at that time, the Admiral said he would accompany me for an outing. On landing, we met a local man who informed us that the police station was miles away at the other end of the island. Just then, a jeep happened to come by and I asked the driver to please take us to the police station. He flatly refused upon which the Admiral thundered, “By the emergency powers invested in me by the President of India, I commandeer this vehicle and order you to take us to the police station.” I do not know whether the driver understood what was said but that was enough for him to take us to the station, wait while the messages were transmitted and drop us back to the jetty!

A deeply-ingrained memory is of the classic reply the Admiral made to the message from CO of one of our ships, Beas, inquiring what action to take if we came across ships of the US 7th Fleet. Without batting an eyelid, the Admiral replied, “Exchange identities and wish them the time of day.”

In normal circumstances, the news of a 99-year old man passing away would have been routine- after all, how many people live to reach that age? What made it shocking was that I had just met Admiral Sarma in New Delhi about a fortnight ago after 43 years. He had come from Bhubaneshwar, his hometown, to attend functions celebrating the golden jubilee of India’s victory in the ‘71 war holding the distinction of being the seniormost surviving warrior of the war. We met at a lunch hosted by the present CNS, Admiral R. Hari Kumar, for naval veterans of the war. I sighted Admiral Sarma and went up to him to introduce myself but before I could speak, he said you are Sharma and you were my FCO on board Vikrant during the war. He then went to say a few more things about me which showed that he had continued to follow my career long after my FCO tenure. Remarkable for a man of that age who I was meeting after 1978.

I told the Admiral that it was an honour and a privilege to see him after such a long time and that it was admirable that he had taken the trouble to come all the way on this occasion. His reply, “Well, the CNS insisted, so here I am.” He went on to proudly proclaim, “You know, I have entered my 100th year on 1 December.” To me, witnessing his mental fitness and fortitude to have made the long journey, it seemed that the Admiral would have many more years to go than it actually transpired.

Admiral Sarma was a modest man, self-effacing with a modest smile. I consider myself fortunate to have served under him and will always have fond memories of the time spent with him. I was blessed with the chance to have met him on 16 December just a few days before he passed on. I shall cherish the two presents he gave me on that day, his autobiography, “My Years At Sea” and a set of picture postcards depicting the highlights of his naval career.

SONGS OF LAUGHTER

 

Up and down conditions and uncertain atmosphere have been the dominant features of our lives during the last two years. Easy to despair but we must step out of it. Let’s begin this year on a brighter note and recall some songs of laughter from good old happy, carefree days.

Husband and wife jokes are common, so we start with the song, ‘Yakety yak’. It’s about a guy who can never be on the right side of his wife. Its lyrics go like this-

“When I come home from work with a big smile and feeling gay (remember the song is pre-present day meaning of gay!)

Suspiciously my wife says, hey, where have you been all day,

But when I come home tired and disgusted, she says, sure I see

Outside you have a good time and home you come to cry to me.”

The husband goes on to sing that when he dresses ordinarily, the wife asks him to make himself presentable otherwise what will people think of her. But when he shaves well and wears a new suit, she is jealous and asks him who he’s gonna see today!

“Yakety yak, blah blah, blah blah, yakety yak, blah blah, blah blah

That’s all I hear all day, yakety yak, blah blah, blah blah.”

In two songs one on each side of an old disc, Jose Ferrer and his wife Rosemary Clooney set out to define Man and Woman. Jose says-

“A woman is something both evil and good,

But too complicated to be understood,

An angel when lovin’, a devil when mad,

A woman can make you both happy and sad.

Afraid of a cricket, she’ll scream at a mouse,

But she’ll tackle a husband as big as a house.

Oh woman, oh woman, oh what can she be,

Whatever she is, she’s necessary.”

And Rosemarie hits back-

“A man oh a man, any woman will say,

Whatever he is, we like him that way.

As strong as an ox, or as meek as a pup,

He’s just a small boy who’ll never grow up.

A leader by day, he can make business hum,

Then wind up at night under some woman’s thumb.”

Rosemary Clooney also had a hit ‘Sisters’ who were extremely devoted and stuck to each other in all kinds of weather, kept an eye on the other and never had to have a chaperone, no sir. She warns-

“Lord help the mister who comes between me and my sister,

And Lord help the sister who comes between me and my man.”

Back in 1951, Phil Harris gave us a rib-tickling song, ‘Oh What A Face’-

“…..it’s a disgrace, to be showing it in any public place. 

One morning he took her to a pig farm, he told her to wait by the rail,

But when he returned he couldn’t find her, the farmer had put her up for sale.

She liked to watch the horses racing on the track,

Until the day she wandered near the stable, 

And the jockey put a saddle on her back.”

Man is on the receiving end in Harry Belafonte’s famous calypso ‘Mama Look a Boo-Boo’-

“I wonder why nobody don’t like me, or is it the fact that I’m ugly,

My children don’t want me no more,

And when I talk they start to sing,

Mama look a boo boo they shout, their mother tell them shut up your mout’,

That is your daddy, oh, no, my daddy can’t be ugly so.”

Another huge hit of Belafonte’s was ‘Matilda’, “she take me money and run Venezuela”. The way he performed this song at Carnegie Hall was phenomenal enjoining the audience to sing these lines again and again with ‘sing a little louder…sing a little softer…women over forty…going round the corner…everybody…once again now…’ and so on endlessly.

Harry Belafonte was a master of funny songs. A classic is his ‘A Hole in the Bucket’ with Odetta. The lady in the song, Liza, asks him to go fetch some water but Henry has a problem-

“There’a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza, there’s a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, a hole.

So fix it dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry, so fix it dear Henry, dear Henry, fix it.

With what shall I fix it, dear Liza, dear Liza…”

And Liza suggests ways of fixing while Henry has a problem with each leading to Liza getting increasingly riled. Liza suggests straw which is too long requiring to be cut with an axe which is too dull and needs sharpening with a stone which is too dry requiring wetting with water which is to be fetched in a bucket but-

“There’s a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza, 

There’s a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza, a hole.”

Towards the end of my school days came a song with popular versions by The Ames Brothers and Dean Martin, ‘The Naughty Lady of Shady Lane.’ The arrival of the lady had the town in a whirl who had admirers galore. The town was peaceful and quiet before she came on the scene and disturbed the suburban routine. She throws come-hither glances at every Tom, Dick and Henry and never says no to liquid refreshments. Further-

“The things they’re trying to pin on her, won’t hold much water, for sure,

She just needs someone to change her……

The naughty lady of Shady Lane, so delightful to hold,

The naughty lady of Shady Lane….

And she’s only nine days old!”

In 1960, a song “Goodness Gracious Me” had everyone in fits of laughter. Peter Sellers plays the part of an Indian doctor with Sophia Loren as a rich, Italian patient in love with him. Her consultation with him goes like this,

She, “Oh, doctor I’m in trouble”

He, “Well, Goodness gracious me.”

She, “For every time a certain man is standing next to me, a flush comes to my face and my pulse begins to race,

It goes boom boody-boom boody boom-boody boom boody boom boody-boom-boody boom-boom-boom.”

The doctor proceeds to examine her and finds his stethoscope bobbing to the throbbing of her heart. He says that he has done his share of healing from New Delhi to Darjeeling and cleared up beriberi and dysentery but this complaint has got him really foxed. He sees her tongue and quickly asks her to put it away. All her hints to tell him that he is the cause of her discomfort fail and when she asks him to put two and two together, he wisely replies, “Four”. Finally, he says there is nothing he can do and that his heart is jumping too and the trouble is with him. She, “With you?”

He, “Ah, I’m sorry, it is us. Goodness gracious.”

A 5-year old freckle-faced cartoon character was created by Hank Ketcham in 1951 based on the mischiefs of his own son, Dennis. While Ketcham was planning to give the character a name, Dennis’s mother, Alice, got exasperated by her son not listening to her to take a nap and making a mess of her room. Alice shouted at her husband, “Your son is a menace.” Hank promptly named his character ‘Dennis the Menace’ and his parents after his own and his wife’s names. A song with that title followed, performed by none other than Rosemary Clooney and a kid, Jimmy Boyd. The lyrics are so funny and here are just a few-

Alice,“ Dennis the menace, he’s a bundle of dynamite, 

Oh the things he says and the things he does will make you shake with fright…

His Mom and Dad get nervous, whenever he’s too quiet, 

They never know what will happen next, a cyclone, flood or riot.”

Dennis, “Last night I got a spanking, I don’t know what to think,

‘Cause all I did was fill my water pistol full of ink.

Now I ask you did Mommy have to yell at me like that

Just because I watered all those flowers on her hat.

My daddy love to ride on planes ‘way high up in the sky.

He didn’t see my roller skates and oh boy, did he fly.”

Alice, “(Beware of) Dennis the menace, though he makes your hair turn gray,

When he looks at you with his eyes so blue, he’ll steal your heart away.”

I am afraid there is some disappointing news from Eartha Kitt for couples wanting to tie the knot-

“Somebody bad stole de wedding bell, somebody bad stole de wedding bell,

Somebody bad stole the wedding bell,

Now nobody can get married.”

Tailpiece. In an amazing coincidence, a British artist, Davey Law, created a cartoon with the same name and character in the UK while Hank Ketcham was coming out with his cartoon in the US on the same day, 12 March 1951.  There could not have been any contact between the two artists and this can only be described as a cosmic miracle. The boys are both naughty and lovable but look different. Also the US Dennis has his dog Ruff while the UK one has Gnasher. The two Dennises live to the day and are enormously popular.