NDA 1964-65

On board Khukri, I received my letter of appointment transferring me to National Defence Academy, Kharakvasla, end-December 1963.

On arrival at NDA, I was told to proceed to ‘J’ (Juliet)  Squadron where I reported to the Squadron Commander, Maj Shyam Rattan.  We found a common link as he was the brother of CDR Anmol Rattan who was the Engineer Officer on board Ranjit where I did my small ship time as a Midshipman in 1959.  My colleague Div Offrs were Flt Lt RS Rana who being a fighter pilot always introduced himself as 'Speedy', and Capt Surjit Kumar of J&K Rifles. Our Battalion Cdr was Wing Cdr ‘Barney’ Fernandes, a  fine officer and gentleman.

One term later, Maj Shyam Rattan was replaced by Maj John Verghese, brother of the well-known journalist BG Verghese.

I was a bachelor and staying at the Officer’s Mess. Life for bachelors at the NDA was very peculiar. A typical day started at about 0630 when one watched cadets at their outdoor training like PT, Drill or Horse Riding. During the day, one was fully occupied with paperwork, cadets’ reports, an odd lecture, interviews with cadets, watching cadets at games, etc., till about 1800 when a total hush descended on the one horse town! The married folks went home happily but the bachelors, before the advent of TV and with entertainment spots far off in Poona, were at a loose end. Inevitably, we fetched up at the bar where drinks and singsong sessions took us well into the night. My bar mates included Mel Kendall, Subodh Gupta, Lalit 'Tiger' Talwar, 'Bogey' Borgonah, 'Laddu' Malik, Sudhir 'Ike' Isaacs and 'Honky' Mukuti among others. While the songs we sang followed a wide range from Pankaj Mullick and KL Saigal to Jim Reeves, Cliff Richards and Beatles, the one I remember the most was the last named's "I Saw Her Standing There" where Bogey Borgonah and I would try to outdo each other on the 'My-eeeeeen' part!

We had many colourful personalities to keep us amused. There was Maj Shyam Rattan who was actually a very senior officer being a colleague of the Commandant, Maj Gen Ranbir Bakshi. He had an enormous number of yarns to tell. My favourite was the one about his time at Monaco where he was posted during WW II. He said the Principality was so small that when he slept at night, his head was in Monaco and his feet in France! He would often come up with some self-made ones like the time he took a lift with someone on a scooter. When it started raining, the driver coolly switched on wipers on his sunglasses and carried on driving fast unaffected by rain.

When Maj Shyam Rattan was blessed with a third daughter in a row, all of us congratulated him but were aghast when Speedy went up to him and smilingly offered his ‘heartfelt condolences’. When we tried to shush him, he laughed us off and said that was how ‘we Punjabis’ view the occasion! To his utter credit, Maj Shyam Rattan took it all very sportingly and thanked Speedy with a smile.

An interview Maj Shyam Rattan conducted in the Divisional Officers' office with the three of us present was the funniest I have witnessed. The interviewee was his nephew, Rajeev Rattan, son of his brother Maj Prem Rattan. The interview was strictly formal following the prescribed format like asking Rajeev's name, father's name, home address and details of relations in the Services' where Rajeev named his father and Maj Shyam Rattan. Maj Shyam asked where the uncle was posted to which the straightfaced reply was, "He is the Sqn Cdr in Juliet sqn." The three DOs were dumbstruck watching this remarkable act of uncle and nephew where not even a trace of smile or familiarity could be seen on the faces of the two. Once Rajeev was dismissed, the four of us laughed our hearts out.

Then there was this lovable person, Dmitri ‘Dimmy’ Jouralov, who used to teach Russian when I was a cadet. He was now too old to teach but fit enough to look after the NDA Golf Club. He along with my friends Subodh Gupta and Tiger Talwar insisted on my taking up golf which I had dismissed till then as an old man’s game. I am indeed grateful to them as I continue to play and enjoy the game till today. One day I said to Dimmy that I got a stiff neck while playing golf. He strongly chided me and said, “Never! You cannot get a crick in the neck if you play proper golf! ”

Dimmy’s other interest was the bar. Those were days of prohibition in Maharashtra. So invariably we used to see Dimmy in the evening searching for someone to stand him a drink with his favourite line, “Water is the best drink in life but I can’t afford the best. So give me the second best, a rum!”

A very likeable Social Studies teacher who shall remain unnamed, was also a proficient tennis player. That probably gave him a good appetite. Once when he was staying in the Mess, he kept asking the waiter for chapatis after chapatis. The waiter got fed up and when the teacher landed up for his next meal, the waiter brought 50 chapatis and plonked them in front of him. The teacher went red in the face and screamed at the waiter inquiring if he thought the former was a pig. He finally dismissed the waiter saying, “Now take one away”.

One of the Battalion Cdrs was Lt Col BD Malhoutra, a proper ‘Saheb’ complete with a fine moustache and a British accent. Once he was in charge of a cadets’ camp for which a route march was to start at 0300. All of us were lined up when Col Malhoutra started inspecting the cadets in total darkness. He stopped in front of one and asked his name. The reply, “Cadet Bewtra, sir”.

“Spell it” said the Colonel.

“B-E-W-T-R-A.”

The Colonel shouted at the top of his voice with some choice abuses in Punjabi ending up with “You Angrez de puttar, can’t you spell your name simply as BATRA instead of  anglicising it as Bewtra?” All of us quietly sniggered wondering why the Colonel had a ‘U’ in his Malhoutra!

The loneliness of bachelors resulted in a few love affairs in the NDA. My colleague Surjit got hitched to a lady doctor posted in K’vasla MH and another Div Off and coursemate Rameshwar ‘Billoo’ Ratra married Roop, daughter of Maj K Rai Singh, the famous test cricketer who was then in the Army Training Team in the NDA. The rest of us had to be content with the  occasional ‘Socials’ where we were lucky if we could find a lady willing to give us the pleasure of a dance. Maggie Fernandes, the pretty wife of our Battalion commander, often obliged us sportingly.

Which brings me back to Wg Cdr Fernandes. I shall always remember a lecture given by him on ‘Leadership’ to the cadets with the unforgettable quote from “Hamlet”:

“This above all: to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day’,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.”

Well into my third term, life was getting a bit monotonous at K’vasla. Providentially, I was called up to Delhi for an interview with the Commandant NDC, VADM AK Chatterji, later Chief of the Naval Staff, who wondered if I would be his Flag Lt! Would I?! I said yes before he changed his mind and left NDA end-May 65 for New Delhi.

A most rewarding moment these days is when I run into an ex-cadet of mine who recognises me and comes up to greet me.

Khukri Days

I reported on board Khukri, an anti-submarine frigate mid-December 1962. The ship was operational almost throughout my stay and part of the Indian Fleet, there being only one fleet in those days. As the Captain was also F 14, the Squadron Commander, the ship had three specialists on board, Navigation, Communications and Torpedo Anti-submarine. So I got the only non-specialist job, Gunnery, with the main armament of 3X40/60 anti-aircraft Bofors guns.

Since fleet activities kept us busy, my tenure was very useful professionally but not anecdotally! However, there were a few incidents I can recall and laugh at today. The first was the formal 'call' at the Captain's house which the latter was very particular about but I wasn't because I found him a bit boring. So having learnt in social etiquette classes conducted by the pucca Britisher, Lt Col DM Kee, during our cadet days in the NDA that the first call should not be pre-arranged, a friend of mine and I, both bachelors, found out when the Captain would be otherwise engaged and dropped in at his house and left our visiting cards. The next day, the Captain called us to his cabin and apologised for not being able to see us the previous evening. The formality of the call at the house was dispensed with by his calling us to his cabin for a drink on the next occasion he visited the ship with his wife.

In September 1963, we had a change of Captain. There was a farewell party for the outgoing Captain and after a few drinks, he said he was leaving. In a happy mood I requested him to have a 'last drink'. That got the Captain in a terrible rage and he scolded me for a good 10 minutes telling me that while he could have the 'other half', he had no intention of having a 'last' drink as he intended to live for many more years and would have many, many more drinks. The net result was that he stayed on and had a number of 'other halfs'! And I since that day have never asked anyone to have a 'last' drink or any other 'last' thing.

In those days, there was a custom of the outgoing Captain issuing to each officer a printed form called the 'flimsy' which was supposed to be a very brief statement of what the Captain thought of the officer. Printed on the form was "The Officer has performed his duties ........" after which the Captain usually filled in his own handwriting 'to my entire satisfaction'. In my case, the Captain decided to condense it to just 'to my satisfaction'. Which was still better than 'to HIS entire satisfaction'!

The new CO was Capt 'Pat' Telles, one of the best officers I ever served under. Apart from being professionally competent, he was a very kind father figure with broad shoulders to take any blame rather than pass it down to a junior. I had only three months with him before I got transferred out but learnt a lot from him.

We spent a number of weeks in A & N Islands where there was little to do except going on picnics with Ludo and Snakes and Ladders to keep us entertained. The evenings were spent imbibing good spirits and listening and singing bawdy songs of Oscar Brand.

Back in Bombay in December, I got my marching orders to NDA Kharakvasla.

My First Appointment- INS Gomati

Gomati, a destroyer, was my first appointment as a full-fledged watchkeeping officer. Shortly after joining, I shipped my Lieutenant's stripe on 01 May 1960. I reported to the then CO Lt Cdr Sam Mathews but soon afterwards, he was replaced by Lt Cdr Rameshwar N Batra. I was given the job of a TAS (Torpedo and anti-submarine) officer and brushed up my knowledge of sonars and torpedoes. I recall repairing the depth recorder on the Bridge with the help of a BR (Book of Reference) and being so elated by the success that I told the Captain I wanted to specialise in TAS. LCDR Batra, being a TAS specialist himself, said that TAS had got him nowhere and I should think of something else!

Gomati was awaiting a refit but was down on priority and her turn was just not coming up. Meanwhile, we learnt of a merchant ship, Maharashmi, in distress off Port Albert Victor on the Gujarat coast and our Captain smelt an opportunity to do something useful. So he volunteered to rush for support and we sailed in rough monsoon weather to assist Maharashmi. We rendezvoused with the ship, established communications and told her we would take her in tow in the morning. At night rounds, however, our XO, second-in-command, discovered a major leak in one of the aft magazines (ammunition compartments). Efforts to stop the leaks failed and the magazine continued to flood. It was therefore decided to immediately head back to Bombay on our own. We barely managed to make it back to harbour what with the battering of the monsoon winds and waves taking a toll of the weak hull. The flooding kept increasing causing half the after section of the ship to be underwater!

That ensured an alongside berth for the ship and no more sailing. It also cost LCDR Batra further promotion which was a pity because I thought he was a competent and caring officer who deserved better.

We had a lively wardroom and often had parties with guests from Bollywood. Our Engineer Officer, LCDR Dileep Bhandari, was married to the well-known actress, Yashodhara Katju. Our Supply Officer, Lt YN Sharma, claimed that he was the Rakhi brother of Nargis. We never saw her on board but YN used to bring her real brother Anwar frequently to the ship. When offered a drink, Anwar would ask for a 'peeli' or 'hari' (presumably a Drambuie or Creme de Menthe) which he had had on an earlier occasion! I would often invite Vinnie Mama, Mamiji and her brother Roop K Shorey (Bhaijan) on board. Bhaijan loved his drink and would never be in a hurry to leave. On one occasion we wound up after midnight and when I went to see them off at Lion Gate, the security JCO said the gates were closed for guests. Bhaijan promptly offered to go back to the ship which had the otherwise strict JCO break out in smile and he graciously let Bhaijan go!

We missed the '61 Goa Liberation action but our Squadron Commander D22 was kind enough to get us two big flasks of red wine which were equally divided between the married folks and the three bachelors on board. We bachelors decided to finish our flask on a saturday afternoon, The wine was very smooth and we didn't feel the effect till we stood up and were knocked out for about 16  hours! Incidentally, Lt JK (Jack) Suri, later a casualty as XO Khukri in the '71 war and I were the 2 bachelors staying on board in a 3-berther cabin known as 'Arab Quarters' for some unknown reason. Jack often complained that rats used to nibble at his toes at night and even showed me teeth marks. I asked him why he didn't kick away the rats but he said he didn't realise he was being bitten as he used to sleep through it!

Being in no state to sail and with an endless wait for refit, NHQ transferred our CO and XO which saw Jack becoming the acting CO with me as his XO! Fond of movies, we used to see all the new releases and more. Those were the heydays of Shammi Kapoor who came out with "Junglee" and its "Yahoo, Chaahe Kohi Mujhe Junglee Kahe" and "Tumsa Nahin Dekha" and its popular theme song. In the latter movie, Rajendra Nath as his sidekick was given the task of identifying Shammi's girlfriend by uttering the lines 'Teri aankhen nahin yeh to teer hain' and 'Oh tera kya kehna' at all the passing girls and getting thrashed in the bargain. "Chaudhvin Ka Chand" and its romantic theme song and "Hum Dono" with its "Abhi Na Jao Chhod Kar" were other movies that come to mind.

By the end of the year,  Jack too got transferred and I became the Captain of the destroyer as a Lt of less than a year's seniority! I moved into the Captain's cabin and felt elated. At that time, Shashi Mama's family was away in Jaipur and he was staying on his ship Trishul at anchorage. When Janamashthmi came he was wondering how to keep his fast and break it at midnight after puja. I asked him to come on board and at midnight, we performed puja in front of a painting of Lord Krishna in my cabin and ate specially made puris, aloo and suji halwa before I saw him off in the 0030 boat back to his ship.

Time passed by in the humdrum of life on a ship permanently alongside with nothing exciting happening. In spare time I kept myself busy reading, seeing movies and entertaining people on board. In October 1962, Bhaijan came on board with the actress Saeeda Khan who was acting in his film "Main Shaadi Karne Chala". I got talking to her and asked her out to dinner which she readily accepted. Meanwhile the Indo-Chinese war started and a state of emergency was declared. We were told to be in uniform all the time so that when I went for my dinner date with Saeeda to a five star hotel on Marine Drive, I had to dress up in No.6s with mess jacket, bow tie, cummerbund et al making quite a sight! Vinnie Mama and family did not quite approve of the date and any follow-up was actively discouraged! 

Finally we got the long awaited order that our ship would be taken in for refit but in Garden Reach Workshop at Calcutta. This meant a double demotion for me as NHQ appointed a temporary CO, LCDR KC Divakaran, a diehard old-time surveyor, for our passage and LT Ravi Khanna as the XO. I became the Navigating Officer which at least was very interesting, important and useful after all the rusting of more than a year. After some patchwork repairs, we sailed with Godavari as our escort. Our passage was safe and smooth and the only incident I remember was the CO asking me if I had procured Weir's Azimuth Diagrams. I had never even heard of them but the Captain wondered how I would find sun's bearings without them. I told him that we were taught to use the Nautical Almanac but the Captain was not convinced and asked me to get them from Navigation (ND) School during our stay at Cochin. At the ND School, LCDR JG 'Podgy' Nadkarni (later CNS) laughed at me and said nobody since Nelson had used them. At my insistence, he asked his assistant to give me a few if he could find them which he did.

Armed with the diagrams we sailed from Cochin and were soon in the Gulf of Mannar with no land visible. It was time to exchange the noon position with Godavari and I took a sun sight and worked out our position which was a little away from the DR (a position based on course and speed). The Captain wanted to cross check and asked for the Diagram. On opening the blessed thing, we discovered that the Diagram was valid only for Latitudes 75* N. to 90*N. It was then that I learnt that Weir's Diagrams are latitude specific. A lesson learnt but of no use as nobody ever asked for these diagrams again! But the Captain was wild and I got a good 'bottle' (naval term for scolding) from him at my incompetence. When asked for our position by Godavari, the Captain, not trusting my working, asked me to give a position close to the DR. I had the last laugh when the position given by Godavari happened to be the same as mine!

We reached Calcutta without any other incident or 'bottle'. On opening the mail awaiting us, I found a letter of appointment ordering me to join Khukri at Bombay forthwith. Before leaving, I did find time hear the famous Pam Crain singing at a restaurant on Chowringhee Lane.

Finding My Feet in the Navy

Although I decided to carry on in the NDA after shaking everyone, including myself, by the anxious one month at the beginning of the second term when I seemed determined to leave, I went through the remaining years till passing out like a robot without much feeling and interest. Cadet days on Tir were similar. Just as stomping my feet on the ground six inches from the air during drills at the NDA didn’t make sense to me, I could also not understand why, in Seamanship, it was necessary to get knotted up with all kinds of complicated knots which I couldn't tie for nuts! As far as I knew, banging the feet deadened the brain and why learn the sheepshank knot when there were no sheep on board!

Midshipman time on Mysore was spent in the same way. Our Course Officer, Lt Gulu Wadhwani, and I took an intense dislike for each other and he ended up by nearly failing me in Officer Like Qualities giving me 95/180 (Pass mark being 50%)! The officer we admired the most was the smart and efficient second-in-command, Cdr KM Nanavati. We were on board when he went on a short leave and shot his wife's paramour. We followed the famous trial anxiously day by day, shell-shocked and saddened.

Time came to continue our training on small ships and I was sent to Ranjit with two of my colleagues, Jayanto “Chow” Roy Chowdhry and BB “Munna” Singh. Perhaps it was the fact of separating from a herd and getting more independence and individual responsibility that resurrected my interest in the Navy. I enjoyed the stint on Ranjit and recall some impressionable officers like the XO, LCdr Fraser (later Chief Hydro), who worked hard, enjoyed his drink and was fun in the Wardroom where he introduced all of us to the bawdy songs of Oscar Brand! Another fine officer was Lt Mani Rawat. He was intelligent and meticulous with a beautiful handwriting which was a work of art. I never understood why he didn’t go far in the service.

Then came our Sub Lts courses. My performance in the courses boosted my confidence as I discovered that I could hold my own with the best of my coursemates.  After the courses I was transferred to Ranjit for my watchkeeping certificate. My Captain was Cdr Sirajuddin to whom I was beholden for saving my naval career earlier! He was a thorough gentleman and a sporting one. Once while driving to the dockyard, his Morris Minor broke down. Following him in his limousine was his Engineer Officer, LCdr Rajnish Bahl, husband of Nutan, the famous actress. LCdr Bahl stopped his car and offered his Captain a lift. After which the former asked, “Shall I put your car in the boot?” The Captain smiled.

To earn a watchkeeping certificate which was necessary to become a complete Executive Officer, one had to do a minimum of 3 months seatime as an assistant Officer of the Watch. I had completed two and a half months when I had to leave the ship and proceed to Venduruthy to do my Gunnery Course with the 16th Course as I had missed it with my own course due to a thumb fracture. I requested Cdr Sirajuddin if he could give me a letter saying that he considered me fit for the certificate after completing the minimum balance time required . He readily gave it to me with the result that I was given the certificate 15 days after I joined Mysore on completion of the Gunnery Course.

I had finally found my feet in the Navy!

MEMORIES OF 1971 INDO-PAK WAR

In October 1971, I was serving as an instructor in Signal School, INS Venduruthy, Cochin (now Kochi). I had gone to Bombay (now Mumbai) to participate in the Navy Golf followed by the Inter-Service championship as a member of the Navy team. On my return to Cochin, I was urgently summoned by my OIC, Cdr ‘Clinker’ Karve, who told me that I had been appointed as Fleet Communications Officer (FCO), Eastern Fleet. As there was no such fleet at that time, I requested him to stop pulling my leg and let me rest after a tiring train journey. He explained that this was no joke, a new Fleet had been formed and I should pack up my bags and take the next train to Vishakhapatnam (Vizag).

With a warlike situation developing with Pakistan and possibilities of operations in the Bay of Bengal, the Naval Headquarters had decided to divide the hitherto single Indian Fleet into two with the Western Fleet based at Bombay and the Eastern Fleet at Vizag. I was therefore to join the staff of the Flag Officer Commanding Eastern Fleet (FOCEF) RAdm SH Sarma.

We had hardly settled down in a temporary office in the naval base at Vizag when we were told that we had to embark on Vikrant for exercises as the Chief of the Naval Staff (CNS),  Adm SM Nanda, wanted to watch the new Fleet in action. Vikrant was at sea off Vizag, so we had to board the ship by helicopter. We were told that we were going on board for a day or two but as the stay could get longer, we should carry an extra set of uniform and the evening mess dress, the Red Sea rig. So with two sets of uniform, the evening wear and a pajama suit, we choppered on to the carrier.

It was the first time that the new fleet staff got together to conduct exercises and that too watched by the CNS and the C-in-C Eastern Naval Command (FOC-in-C East), VAdm N Krishnan. Luckily we gelled well and the big brass was satisfied that the fleet was in good hands and the ships ready for action. CNS and FOC-in-C choppered back ashore and we were left on board for what would turn out to be almost 2 months!

We were ordered to proceed to Port Blair and keep the Fleet battleworthy. We kept exercising at sea and as a carrier group, the main accent was on air operations and anti-submarine warfare as we knew that Vikrant was a prize target for Pakistan which had a submarine, the Ghazi, capable of operating in the Bay of Bengal, far from her base in Karachi. We were also aware that Pakistan had a fairly extensive network of intercepting high frequency (HF) radio transmissions, the usual method of ship-shore communications in those days and concealing the position of Vikrant was our chief concern. We, therefore, tried to completely avoid such transmissions at sea while making use was of landline sources while in harbour. This was easy while we were in Port Blair as it is a naval base with good communication facilities.

Towards the end of November, when war seemed imminent, we were moved off to Port Cornwallis, the northernmost island in the Andamans, so that we could launch air attacks on the then East Pakistan within a few hours. We had logistic requirements but not wanting to break radio silence, I decided to proceed ashore by boat to find the island police wireless station to transmit our signal traffic to NHQ/ENC. Not having much to do in harbour, Adm Sarma decided to accompany me. When we landed ashore, we discovered that the wireless station was miles away on the other side of the island. Just then a jeep happened to drive by. We stopped and with some bullying by the Admiral who blared out the exercise of presidential powers in an emergency, we managed to convince the reluctant driver to take us to the police station, clear our messages and drop us back to the jetty.

Later, we discovered how effective our radio policy was. The Pak Navy did not know our uptodate location and Ghazi was off Vizag while we had already moved within striking distance of East Pakistan. As we know, Ghazi was sunk off Vizag soon after the war started.

While waiting for action, the large flight deck of Vikrant provided good opportunity for physical activity. Unique, however, was the use of the quarterdeck for golf. The ship had a number of keen senior golfers like the second-in-command, Cdr HML (Bhaisahib) Saxena and the Engineer Officer Cdr BR (Billoo) Chowdhry apart from Lt MB (Mike) Bhada and self. Mats and nets were rigged up to allow fullblooded drives while buckets were used for pitching in golf balls!

The order to attack the airfield at Cox's Bazar came on the night of 3 December and the next morning, air attacks were carried out by Vikrant's Seahawk aircraft. Before the first sortie, the atmosphere on the carrier was electric and tense, not knowing what awaited our pilots. The mood changed to ecstasy when they came back all intact after successful strikes. I recall the Squadron Cdr, Lt Cdr SK (Gigi) Gupta, being garlanded and hoisted on the shoulders of his colleagues and taken all around the flight deck like an Olympic champion! Thereafter, air attacks were mounted relentlessly on Pak ships, naval and port facilities in Chittagong, Khulna, Mongla and Chalna harbours.

The Fleet action resulted in an effective blockade in the Bay of Bengal preventing any supplies from reaching East Pakistan and escape of Pak troops and ships. This was a huge factor that led to the surrender of 93000 Pak troops headed by Lt Gen AK Niazi and the resultant birth of Bangladesh.
While the operations were in progress, the submarine threat was ever present as we learnt of the sinking of the Ghazi only towards the end of the operations and could not totally discount the possibility of another submarine in the area. Shallow waters, sea turbulence and shoals of fish often resulted in sonars sounding submarine and even torpedo warnings. High speed being an anti-submarine measure, Vikrant would often rev up to its maximum speed of a paltry18 knots resulting in the ship shuddering and straining which would alarm all on board of an imminent threat.

Having softened the enemy through air attacks, preparations were on for amphibious landing of troops at Cox's Bazar. A number of naval and merchant ships carrying army troops were converging off the landing site. In the midst of all this, we received a signal from the landing ship Magar, "Periscope sighted, confirm friendly." Because of the heavy signal traffic and incorrect precedence, the message reached us after about 45 minutes. We knew that none of our submarines were in that area, so if there was a submarine it would be Pak's and defenceless Magar would by now be toast! Fortunately, it turned out that Magar had mistaken a fishing stake in tidal waters for a periscope and was quite safe. However, the signal, broadcast as it was for all to receive, resulted in the landing units scattering all over. It took quite some time to get everyone back on track and delayed the landings by a couple of days.

The entry of the US Seventh Fleet into the Bay of Bengal was a cause for concern. CO Beas, Cdr L Ramdas (later CNS) made a signal to FOCEF asking what action should be taken on encountering the US Fleet. The reply of the Admiral was classic, "Exchange identities and wish them the time of day!" As we know, the US Fleet never came anywhere near us and was only meant to frighten us in which it completely failed.

Came 16 December and the Pak troops surrendered and Bangladesh was born. The job done, Vikrant was told to return and received a tumultous welcome in Madras (Chennai), its first port after the war. A number of gallantry awards were won by its personnel led by MVCs for the CO, Capt Swaraj Parkash and the Seahawk squadron commander, Gigi Gupta.

While Vikrant was told to return, FOCEF received personal instructions from CNS to disembark and proceed to Chittagong to supervise clearance of mines from the harbour channel so that ships could operate safely. Vikrant's choppers put us down on land with our two sets of cotton uniforms in pretty cold weather. We spent two days in Agrabad Hotel which was expensive before organising makeshift arrangements at the deserted Chittagong naval base. Messing was in the landing ship Gharial which because of its shallow draught had managed to enter harbour.

Our problem was that we did not have any minesweepers to do the sweeping! Intelligence had told us that the mines were of the ground variety and had been randomly laid. After much deliberation, it was decided to requisition two fishing boats and trawl a thick wire between them hopefully to catch any mines. Bikash Ghosh, the FTASO, scoured the market till he got a suitable piece of wire. Thereafter, he in one boat and Mohan Chandy, the FGO, in another, went up and down for several days sweeping the channel.

On 31 December 1971, we celebrated the New Year's Eve at the Chittagong Club. Bikash and Mohan left early as they were slated to go for the final check sweep in the morning. Looking forward to a lazy morning, I waited to ring in the New Year and returned to the mess well after midnight. There I found the FOO, Cdr Vyas, waiting to tell me that they had decided to send another boat as a rescue vessel and that I should board it by 6 am!

It was a unique start to the New Year and I was sleepy as hell but orders are orders. To compound it, I found that the so-called rescue vessel had a much deeper draught than the minesweeping boats. This meant that even if the minesweepers went over a mine without touching it, the rescue vessel was more likely to be struck! With a hope and a prayer, we trailed the boats the whole day. Fortunately nothing untoward happened. A safe channel was marked and a message sent to the Naval and the Eastern Naval Command HQs that shipping could resume. Soon after, we returned to Vizag on Gharial, having missed all the victory celebrations!

Till........

To celebrate their Liberation Day on 16 December every year, the Bangladesh government invites around 25 veterans including 2 from the Navy who took part in the 1971 War on the Eastern front, as state guests with their wives. I volunteered to go in 2017. I have never witnessed such warm hospitality ever. Apart from the 16 December parade, there were functions galore with warm, emotional praises and tributes and precious souvenirs. The highlight was Sheikh Hasina's reception where she spent 4-5 minutes talking to each of us inquiring about our part in the war, thanking and telling us that we had played a large part in the birth of her country. After tea and snacks, we were waiting for her to leave but she stayed till the end and saw us off. We were truly touched by her words and hospitality and she certainly won our hearts.

P.S. The Sharma family was well represented in the war on both fronts and that too on the flagships of the two fleets with Shashi Mama on board Mysore. Also, Akhila's brother Tony (Col SC Mehrish) fought with his regiment 16th Rajput in Hili Sector on the eastern front. He had the mortification of seeing the soldier next to him killed in enemy fire.

Remembering Jack and Aku - Two Martyrs of the 1971 War

The first few days of the 1971 Indo-Pak War went off very well for the Indian Navy. The Navy, in action for the first time in independent India, was itching to prove its mettle and through brilliant planning and innovation, carried out very successful air strikes on the eastern front blockading the Bay of Bengal and missile attacks in the west causing havoc on Pak naval ships and harbour installations.

It was perhaps overconfidence and a bit of bravado that caused the Navy its two tragic losses - the sinking of Khukri on 9 December and the downing of an Alize on the 10th. And on each of these, I lost a close friend - Jack Suri and Aku Roy respectively.

Jack was the Executive Officer, second-in-command on Khukri. We are all familiar with the brave actions of Captain Mulla. Jack was his right hand man and had the ability, intelligence and personality of a fine officer. He would not suffer fools but had a soft heart and was a very sociable person. Although he was 3 courses senior to me, we got to know each other when he could not make it for flying and joined our batch for SLt's training courses. A year later, we were shipmates on Gomati. Sometime later, he was an instructor in Signal School when I did my Communications specialisation. He was a fitness freak and was forever worried about a bulging waistline though he had not a gram of extra flesh on his waist. Squash was his passion and he played every day and was the naval champion for many years. I was not quite his standard but could give him a good game and we played each other often. Fond of his drink, he would croon Elvis Presley's "Wooden Heart" and Mohammed Rafi's "Abhi na jao Chhodkar" or "Teri pyari pyari soorat" without much coaxing! Incidentally, he also taught Lucky the 'naughty girls in London' trick!

Aku was an excellent pilot who was held in high esteem by the aviation community. He was a lovable, popular figure who believed in living life to the hilt. He was a restless soul always moving on. It was perhaps because of this that he was chosen to fly a sortie which was an overreach for a slow and defenceless aircraft like the Alize.

Two years earlier, he was flying off Vikrant over the Bay of Bengal and had to ditch in the sea due to a technical fault. I was on board the rescue destroyer "Trishul" and witness to the ditching though unaware of the identity of the pilot. I had a sinking feeling it was Aku. But Aku had made a perfect ditching and the crew was picked up by a helicopter safely and without any injuries before the aircraft sank. Relieved, I sent Aku a message I still remember, "Of all the places in the world, did you have to choose the Bay of Bengal to dip your wick?"

I was far away on Vikrant in the Bay of Bengal when we got the news of the downing of the Alize over the Arabian Sea on 10 December. I experienced the same sinking feeling and was right but this time, Aku's luck had run out!

There were rumours that Aku was one of the many POWs who were illegally held in Pakistan long after the War but these remained unsubstantiated.

Aku was one year junior to me but we served in the same station many a time and found each other's company fun. Once he took Viji Malhotra and me on an Alize flight to shake us out of our senses. He went through all kinds of stunts but Viji and I kept our nerves. When we got back to our cabins, we passed out for 24 hours!

Aku was tall and handsome and quite a ladies' man. Some compared his looks to a Greek god. He and Jack were different personalities but shared many traits. Above all, both were very eligible bachelors. In view of their fate, it was perhaps better that they remained so. Still, they left behind a large number of friends who would always remember and miss them.

God rest their souls in peace.

Our Family Sense of Humour

All of us in my family, cousins et al, consider Pitaji, my Nanaji, as the original Head of our Family. He had a subtle sense of humour and would voice his comments coolly with an expressionless face. One day, a nephew of Mataji, my Nani, turned up and wanted to meet Pitaji who was having a bath. The nephew said he would just get a paan from the corner shop and be back in 10 minutes. The nephew had a reputation of not sticking to his word. So when Pitaji came out and was told that nephew had come and would be back shortly, Pitaji immediately remarked, oh, then he won't come.  And he didn't!
During the 1976 emergency, a relative serving in the Rajasthan government had to undergo vasectomy. He visited us sometime later and after he left, Pitaji wondered aloud if the relative's voice sounded effeminate!
Pitaji's favourite story was about an examiner who while marking answer copies decided on the final result depending on which nostril he was breathing from: right meant pass and left, fail.
Another trait of Pitaji was giving his own name to places. During our first visit to Bombay (which itself officially mutated to Mumbai later!), Cuffe Parade became Duff Cooper and Wodehouse Road, Hobhouse Road for us ever after.

Shashi Mama (Cdr PK Sharma) had his own brand of humour. As a teenager, home on summer vacation from Allahabad University, he developed fever and was confined by Mataji, a strict believer in the maxim 'starve the fever', to a milk diet. Shashi Mama took it sportingly and once in a while we would hear a feeble shout from his room, "Doodh maharaj ki jai.'
Bharatpur was not a very happening city at least in the 40s and a vacation there in scorching summer was hardly something to look forward to. Shashi Mama must have found it very boring for every evening he would say in a singsong voice, "garaz ke kaat diya zindagi ka din ek aur.'
He also had his own vocabulary. Some of his favourites were 'mare pe do laat' (for the constantly downtrodden), 'janampatri pe joote maar' (for someone succeeding beyond his capability) and 'thanks but no thanks.'
If a party needed livening, one could always turn to him to perform his song and dance number "Balma jajaja, balma jaa."

Vinnie Mama (Cmde VK Sharma) was more of a stiff upper lip PG Wodehouse type. One of his early ones was about a British noble lady who acquired a new chauffeur. When asked for his name, he replied, "James."
Noble Lady, "Tell me your surname, I only address my chaffeurs by their surnames."
Chauffeur, "Darling, James Darling."
Noble Lady, "Drive on, James."
His naval anecdotes would fill more than a book. And he actually authored one titled "With a Pinch of Salt"- a must read for those interested in naval life. A classical anecdote was one about sounding action stations on a ship. The Gunnery Instructor (GI) wanted to quickly establish communications and blared on the Armament Broadcast, "All positions, this is GDP (Gun Direction Position), how do you hear me, over?" No answer. Louder, "All Positions This Is GDP, How Do You Hear Me, Over?" Again no answer. Third time, screaming, "ALL POSITIONS THIS IS GDP, OVER, OVER." A new sailor thinking he must quickly rectify the situation grabbed the nearest mic and said loudly, "GDP, This Is All Positions, hearing you loud and clear, how me, Over?" GI very angrily, "WRONG. You should have said, THESE ARE ALL POSITIONS!"
A second one...A Captain followed a morning ritual of opening his safe, taking out a booklet, reading it religiously, replacing it and locking back the safe. The XO (second-in-command) was mystified and grabbed the first opportunity to open the safe and get hold of the booklet which read, "The right side of the ship is Starboard and the left side Port."
One with not such a stiff upper lip. A pilot was gently navigating an Italian ship into a narrow channel.
Pilot, "Starboard 5." Italian Quartermaster, "Starboda 5, 5 of-a starboda wheel-a on sir."
Pilot, "Starboard 10." QM, "Starboda 10, 10 of-a starbod-a wheel-a on sir."
Pilot, "Starboard 15." QM utterly exasperated now, "Starbod-a 5, starbod-a 10, starbod-a 15, why can't-a you make up-a your mind. Here, I put-a plenty of starbod-a wheel on, hard-a starbod."
CRASH, BOOM, GHRRRR....
And in real life... We were in Jaipur together when Vinnie Mama had to leave for Bombay. My family and I went to see him off on the train and we found that he had been allotted a seat on the side instead of the usual full berth. I was unfamiliar with this and asked him how he would sleep at night. He said no problem and demonstrated by unfolding the seat and the one opposite thereby joining them and making a sleeper. He then said that normally the train conductors were very accommodating and would find an old person a regular berth. Just then a person in a black coat and white trousers was passing by and Vinnie Mama addressed him, "Conductor sahib, conductor sahib, if you would be so kind to an old man......" and started stating his case for a proper berth. The person tried to say something but Vinnie Mama continued nonstop and would not let him get a word in edgewise. Finally when Vinnie Mama stopped for breath, the man said, "But gentleman, I am not the Conductor." Vinnie Mama offered profound apologies and the man started walking away. Vinnie Mama then said to the man's retreating back,"But you are dressed like one." That really brought the house down including the black coat-white trousered man.

As my father and Dadaji passed away when I was very young, I didn't get to know many relatives from my paternal side. There was one exception though and that was my granduncle (called Alwarwale Chachaji by me) who was also related to us from Mummy's side as he was married to Mataji's elder sister. He was a Judge in Alwar state and was very fond of Pitaji as well as me and we used to visit him often. On weekends he had a kind of durbar to which all our community folks flocked. Ladies went to the upper floor and gents stayed down in a big hall. Chachaji was fond of practical jokes and on one occasion caught hold of a child and asked him what had been happening in his house earlier. The child mentioned that his aunt did not have a petticoat to wear so she asked his mother, who was not coming to Chachaji's place, to lend her one for the day. The child went out to play and after sometime was summoned by Chachaji to go and tell his aunt that his mother had sent a message asking the aunt to return the petticoat. The innocent child went and conveyed this to his aunt in the presence of all the other ladies. The aunt angrily stormed out cursing her sister and muttering what  the emergency was why her sister could not even wait for her to return. Fireworks must have exploded at home when she got back!

Babuji, my father-in-law's humour had a rustic touch. Fond of sher and shayari, his stories sounded wonderful in chaste urdu. A lot of juice is lost in translation but here are a couple of them.
A singer was going on and on at a village concert till everyone walked away leaving just two people. The singer on noticing this said to the two, "You are truly knowledgable about music and I thank you for staying right to the end." One of them remarked, "Thank you, sir, but we are just waiting for you to finish. Yeh lalten meri hai aur durrie iski."
At another concert, the public got utterly disgusted with the music but the performers showed no signs of stopping. Finally, a tough looking sardar got up and charged up to the stage brandishing his kirpan. Scared, the artistes started getting up and scampering but the sardar told them, "Aap kyon uth rahe ho, aap toh gaate rahiye, mujhe aapse koi gila nahin hai, main toh usko dhoondh raha hoon jisne aapko yehan bulaya." I used the idea often in actual situations and recall that in August 1983, Adm Dawson ordered the Western Fleet to carry out anti-submarine exercises in the thick of monsoon. 90% of ships' companies were seasick, ships were all helter skelter and nobody had an idea of what was going on. I, as Fleet Operations Officer, said to CNS's Naval Assistant, "Forgive the ships, I am looking for the person who ordered the exercises in the first place." This was probably conveyed to the CNS who thereafter always looked askance at me.

To conclude, three of my favourites.
A full chapter on Sex in George Mikes's book 'How to be an Englishman' : "The continental people have sex, the English, hot water bottle."
In a cartoon, the trainer standing by the fence during a race is exhorting his horse to run faster, "Come on Black Beauty, come on!" Black Beauty aborts the race and heads for the trainer.
In another cartoon, Ginger Meggs, according to me a kid naughtier than Dennis the Menace, is walking back from school with a classmate.
Classmate, "Albert says he is the biggest liar in class."
Ginger Meggs, "Don't believe him!"

Blood is thicker than water and the humour gene is now flowing well in the veins of the younger generation. Having studied at Lovedale, my cousin Rajeev can keep you laughing for hours recounting Tamil jokes and with his experience in the advertising industry is an expert at fun in pun.