MY MARRIAGE STORY

 From the time I reached Vizag end-October 1971 and joined the Eastern Fleet Staff to the end of the war and minesweeping operations in Chittagong, the pace of life was hectic and days passed by in a flash. Back in Vizag early January 1972, the first few days were busy settling down in our new office, writing reports on the Fleet operations and working on mundane matters such as formulating the Eastern Fleet Standing Orders. Towards the end of the month, it was all done and one felt like taking a break and getting away from it all. There was to be no sailing for quite a while as most ships were under refit after the war. So I took a month’s leave and went to Jaipur.

Pitaji, Mataji (my Nana, Nani) and Mummy were anxiously awaiting my arrival and were very happy to see me. They wanted to know all about the operations and we spent a week or so talking about them. Around 10th February, Pitaji’s youngest brother Sushil Chacha’s second son Jagat, who was much younger than me, was getting married and all of us drove to Kota to attend the wedding. While Pitaji, Mataji and Mummy were busy meeting relatives and with the wedding ceremonies, I was at a loose end not knowing too many people. For some reason, perhaps brought on by the war, I was feeling very lonely. I started wondering where I was headed having reached the age of 33 ½! All my school friends, coursemates and relatives had got married and settled, the world was passing me by and here I was perhaps the last man standing! The feeling kept haunting me and I didn’t know what to do about it.

Back in Jaipur, Mummy mentioned that she had to go to Delhi to attend another wedding. Mummy’s very close friend from her Benares College days, Savitri Aunty, had invited her for the wedding of her niece, Bharti, with a certain Yogesh Deveshwar. (That's another story, 35 years later!). Mummy asked me to come along and I happily agreed as that would keep me busy. I would also get to meet Shashi Mama (Cdr PK Sharma) who after the war was posted in Delhi and we would be staying with him.

To attend the wedding, we went in the evening to Ishwar Nagar adjoining the Friends’ Colony. The Jaimala ceremony began and the bride slowly made her way to the stage. Looking around, I saw a very pretty girl standing tiptoe to get an unobstructed view of the ceremony. Her looks attracted me and I kept watching her. Shashi Mama appeared at my side and asked me where I was looking. I hesitated but then he pointedly asked me if I was looking at ‘that girl’. Caught, I had to say yes.

Shashi Mama, “Do you like her?”

Me, “Yes.”

Shashi Mama, “Do you recognize her?”

Me, “No.”

Shashi Mama, “ Well, she is Binno.”

I was stunned. The ground slipped under me. I needed to sit down but couldn’t move. Shashi Mama helped me to a chair.

Let’s start from the very beginning, a very good place to start.

In 1940, Kailash Nath Sharma and Kishen Chand Mehrish were studying in Agra University and staying in a hostel. Being members of a small Suryadhwaj Brahmin community and having common relatives, they became close friends. Both were married with Kailashji having a 2-year old son that is me, and Kishenji having a daughter and a son. When they got together after the summer vacation, Kishenji (Babuji) told Kailashji (Daddy) that the former’s wife was in the family way. Daddy said to him, “If you have a girl, we’ll get her married to Ravi.” But a boy arrived and the plan fell through. A year later, Daddy passed away.

In 1948, Pitaji and Mataji met Babuji and Amma (Babuji’s wife) at the wedding of Amma’s brother in Bharatpur. They saw an infant girl in Amma’s arms. Perhaps Mummy had told them about the 1940 idea for they immediately told Babuji to keep the girl for their grandson, me!

In 1961, I went on leave to Delhi where Pitaji was posted. Mummy asked Babuji to come to Delhi with his family. They came to Pitaji’s house on 1 Teenmurti Lane and had tea with us. Akhila (Binno) then was a lanky girl who had barely entered her teens and was in School. When they left, Mummy asked me how I liked her. I said she is fine but too young and should continue her education.

I got busy in the Navy with different appointments and transfers and whenever Mummy spoke about marriage, I said I was not ready. But both my folks and Akhila’s kept in touch and had mentally decided on the match. I, however, had my doubts about how Akhila, brought up in the orthodox and conservative background of Bijnor, would adapt to the liberal environment of the Navy. My folks kept applying pressure on me to marry which had an adverse effect on me. The stronger the pressure, the more I rebelled and opposed the match. In time, Mummy also appeared to have given up the idea and stopped writing in her letters or talking about it when we met. By February 1972, as far as I was concerned, the matter was closed.

Imagine my shock when Shashi Mama told me that the girl I was looking at was Akhila! Shashi Mama narrated what had happened. Mummy had quietly planned the whole thing. She wrote to Babuji that we were going to attend a wedding in Delhi and asked them to come having taken Savitri Aunty into confidence and obtained an invitation for them. At first, Amma was reluctant as she saw no point in meeting us with no signs of my having changed my mind. Babuji, however, persuaded her to give it one final shot and confirmed to Mummy that they would be there.

Akhila was not told anything about all this and was just tempted with the chance of a trip to Delhi. Once there, Babuji asked her to accompany them to a wedding reception. She was quite upset as she said she had not come prepared for such a formal occasion. She had, however, brought a newly purchased silk sari to get a matching blouse stitched. She was taken to Janpath to buy a shawl which would cover the unmatching blouse! And that is how she appeared that evening, 17 February 1972, watching the Jaimala ceremony and me in turn watching her! 

Shashi Mama then asked me if he should take the matter further. I was hesitant and wondered what would be Akhila’s reaction after all my naysaying over the years. The shoe was now on the other foot and would she accept me or turn me down? Shashi Mama said if I was convinced, he would talk to Babuji and Amma and tell them ‘Ravi is willin’.’ With some trepidation, I asked him to go ahead.

Shashi Mama spoke to them and they said they would talk to Akhila at night. The next morning, 18th February, Babuji rang up to say they had managed to get Akhila to say yes. Shashi Mama invited them for lunch during which the engagement was firmed up. Mummy, Mamiji and I went to Connaught Place to buy a ring which was duly slipped by me on Akhila’s finger on our return. Roughly, the wedding was planned for summer. 

I asked if Akhila and I could go out the next day. And so we had our one and only date before marriage and went to see a movie called ‘April Fool’! Shashi Mama organized an engagement party that evening at the SP Marg Mess. It was well attended headed by Admiral Chatterji who gave his fatherly approval of my choice!

The following day, Babuji and family went back to Bijnor and I to Vizag. I told  Admiral Sarma, my boss, and the fleet staff about my engagement and they were all very happy for me. Back in my cabin, I thought that now that our minds have been made up, why wait till the summer. I spoke to the Admiral the next morning and asked him if I could go back and get married as the fleet was not likely to be active for quite some time yet. He readily said yes, I could take another month off.

I spoke to Pitaji and Mummy and asked them to arrange the wedding as soon as possible. They in turn got in touch with Babuji. Initially, there was resistance from Amma and Akhila who said they would need time for preparations. Babuji overcame that with one sentence, “For something that I have waited for so many years, I am not going to wait a day more than necessary.” The family Pandit was consulted who said the only auspicious date was 11 March which was agreed upon by both families.

On 7th March I flew to Delhi where my wedding outfit was completed with the addition of a suit stitched urgently and another purchased readymade. The wedding took place in Bijnor on the due date and all close relatives from both sides were able to attend despite the short notice with just one exception. Shashi Mama who had done so much spadework leading to the engagement was unable to come to Bijnor as his younger daughter developed fever.

We returned to Delhi on 12th March and proceeded to Jaipur and Ajmer, where Mummy was posted, for receptions. Akhila and I were back in Vizag early April.

Thus the script of our marriage story which was first thought of in 1940 remained a concept for 32 years but then took just 3 weeks to be written from engagement to marriage!

P.S. My apprehensions about Akhila settling down in the naval environment proved to be unfounded. She not only adjusted rapidly but knew instinctively what to get involved in and what to stay away from. 

P.P.S. We must end on a light note. Viji Malhotra, one of the few friends who attended the wedding, has this story over which we have laughed many a time. On its way back to Delhi, the ‘baraat’ bus made a short stop at Hapur. Most of the male members rushed to stand against the nearest wall. This offended Vinnie (Cmde VK Sharma) Mama’s sense of decency causing him to shake his head and, sitting in the bus, disparagingly remark, “Verry bad”.